Dear Tindana, pardon my effrontery, my shirt is still on my back this morning, but I figure, since I am so far away from you, I am safe to keep it on. I am in Accra as I write. But you need to hear this.
Our city was not gay enough this past week, so the NDC party invited their cousins in the NPP to go and join them in far away and hitherto peaceful Talensi. For the rest of us, we were not invited to the by-election party, which result would really have no impact on the balance of power in the country and to which purpose, nothing would change the corrupt elements in our society, so we weren’t expecting anything more than a victory of one sort or the other. Even the PNC party made voluble noises, to as it were “watch this space”. We didn’t think much of it and we would not have showed up if we were invited.
But they all went. Anyone whose name was something in the NPP and NDC was there. Of course, Afoko and Kwabena did not dare show their faces within ten miles of the place, they being extra-non-communicado in the vicinity.
So we remained in our regions, thinking this would not affect us in any way. How wrong we were. Before the date was up, Freddy Blay from the NPP side had fired verbal salvos of a boycott or court action if they did not know who was going to count the votes.
We listened on the sidelines and continued with daily chores, watching, preoccupied with Oko Vanderpuye’s continued destruction of the finest slums of Accra. He moved on from Old Fadama, I still remember it as Sodom and Gomorra, but hey, we have to be sensitive to illegality these days.
We thought, naively, that this was the usual verbal spittle and “polytricking” so we went merrily along the way, sitting at the tables, sleeping, waiting for “dum” to “sor” in the middle of the night so we could do some reading.
And before we knew it, we were in a war zone. The plot was laid and they were both in election heaven, where they yell at each other, accuse themselves of all manner of nonsensical plots and evil doing and take advantage of all of us naïve followers to enhance their corruption.
You must remember Koku; I am sure you remember him. The man who fired ECG staff in Baba Yara stadium with a Castle drone from Accra? I thought we were rid of him and his version of politics, but alas, he has resurrected. His version of the war, vintage Koku, was that the NPP were firing at each other, using Afoko binoculars.
But I am puzzled about something, and maybe you can use your sage powers to help out. How did Azorka and his people manage to get arms through the checkpoint at Tongo? The Invisible force could not get through. I heard they had weapons but could not camouflage them and were disarmed on arrival. Could it be the Azorkas took theirs there ahead of time? These “politricians”.
And who are the Bolga Bulldogs? The name sounds like an American football team, but there is no state in the USA called Bolga. Was it made up by the NADMO? I think you know and I beg permission to get a journalist to call on you for some “apᴐ”.
I want to come and visit, but this shirt removing thing, I am worried because I will be coming with Otiko Djaba and I am not sure she will remove her blouse in my presence. And if the chicks see my withering grey hairs and weak muscles, they might choose Asiedu Nketiah over me. But why didn’t you let him remove his shirt when they came for fortification? Or was he lying?
Only NPP people remove shirts? Then I am safe. I have forged an alliance with Akua Donkor so we can steal many PPP trucks to deliver generators to all households when we come to power. Did you see our showing in Talensi? We got 58 votes, but we are only two in the party.
So they went to fight. The people of Talensi were nowhere near the fighting zone, I hear. They cast their votes and went back to work, not very interested in the outcome. In the end the NDC won both the fight and the vote. But to what end? Apart from embarrassing themselves with violent behavior, they only piped the NPP on the scale of recklessness.
But the President and his competitor Nana Addo both said this is the defining version of the 2016 election. Eh bei! Tindana we are in trouble.
This is clearly the “Botha” effect. I was in studio with Kofi Adams, NDC and Bernard Mornah, PNC (Can you imagine?) on Citifm the Big Issue, where we do not allow politicians to come and dilute our clear thinking and analysis.
My friend Sanda wanted to make a small diversion and made the fatal mistake of inviting the duo. Did you know they travel everywhere together and they agree on everything? Except when it comes to vote counting? Mornah disagrees with single counting and wants to go to court to verify, so the PNC can be second and Kofi cannot understand proportional representation.
Between them they ganged up to try and label me as a Botha supporter, but “walahi” they failed miserably. When they took to Talensi to castrate themselves with machetes and guns, they proved a little more to Botha that he can still be comfortable in his box.
You know one of his sentences was exactly this? That if you give the African guns and machetes they would do nothing but kill each other. Poor Nelson Mandela; to have achieved so much and left us with this halo of blackness that shows its face again and again in our Talensi’s and J’burg’s
And they couldn’t understand that what they did in Talensi reached the ears of the Bimbilla people, who started killing each other over some small meat.
Is it too much for you to step into this fighting thing? All your traditional fellows are involved oo! Look how they come to beg you to fortify them in their fighting. Luckily no one was killed this time in Talensi, but look how they died in Bimbilla? And next time? When there is more at stake?
Now, do you know Mark Woyongo? A man we have accepted as the Interior Minister? He went on air to “beget violence with violence”. He wants us all to die, Tindana! Can you imagine what would happen if we give Oko an assault repeat rifle? Even with a small gun, he is shooting tyres of “followers”.
As I write, I have not heard a proper apology. Not from the Minister, not from the NDC and not from the NPP, for causing such unnecessary violence. Shouldn’t they both have been disqualified? The PNC would have a seat in Parliament and that would change the whole decision making on the floor of the Chamber.
When you look in the water in the calabash and read the cowries on the mat, do you see any movement in Ghana preparing to start a boycott of the 2016 elections?
Please send me the readings by Instagram, and send me a photo for my file. My Whatsup has been hijacked since yesterday and I am not sure who is reading my mail. Could it be the “Woyongo Warriors”?
Oh, I have run out of space. Next week I will deal with my friend Seth’s borrowing appetite and why I am drifting away from him.
You know they want to sell ADB Bank? They have already converted it from an Agricultural Development Bank and are now looking for strategic investors to enable them to stay away from lending money to farmers. You know who I mean. You can see all abi?
Sometimes I wonder if you are Ghanaian. Don’t your powers reach Accra? You have to do something Tindana, we beg, do something.
Ghana, Aha a yε din papa. Alius atrox week advenio. Another terrible week to come!
Sydney Casely-Hayford, sydney@bizghana.com